Hypochondriac plus lawyer equals video footage logic

MindReader appears in the spare bedroom in his boxer shorts, squinting.

“What are you doing?”

“Nothing,” I say, putting the mirror down.

What time is it?”

“After midnight.”


“You’ll think I’m mad if I tell you,” I say. “Go back to bed!”


“What were you doing, last night?” MindReader says as I sit on the side of the bed at seven o’clock the next morning.

“Oh Christ,” I say. “I was channel hopping and I flicked across to Embarrassing Bodies.”

“Oh god.” MindReader sits next to me on the bed and pushes a cup of hot coffee into my hands.

“They were doing moles.”


“MindReader. I actually think this mole is really bad news.”

“You thought you had bowel cancer last week. And ankle cancer.”


“Show me the mole.”

I lift the jacket of my suit up and reveal my back.

“Ah,” MindReader says. “This mole.”

“What do you mean?”

He looks quickly at it. “It looks the same.”

“What did you mean ‘this mole’?”

“I’ve seen you,” he says. “You’ve been obsessed with this mole for about six months.” He smiles indulgently at me. “It hasn’t changed.”

“Yes. Do you think I should go to the doctor?”

“No! If you went to the doctor whenever you wanted to, how often would you go?”

“I’d like a live-in doctor, ideally,” I say.

MindReader nods and stands up, his hand brushing along my shoulder, saying, I know you can’t help being mad. He stops and turns at the door. “What was the mirror for?”

“It’s on my back! I couldn’t get a good view!”


“I took a video too.”

“A video?” MindReader says, his blond eyebrows rising. “What changes did you expect to see?!”

“Not changes. So I could pause it, and zoom in on the mole.”

3 thoughts on “Hypochondriac plus lawyer equals video footage logic

  1. Pingback: Perhaps a psychiatrist « Billygean.co.uk

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