Category Archives: baking disasters
The cheesecake, although not quite set, is rather tasty
I am making a cheesecake. MindReader is watching the football. It is domestic bliss. Except I’m a crap cook, remember. “Hurry up!” I say into the pan. “It’ll melt quicker if it’s not in one big lump,” MindReader says from the living room 5 feet away. “How do you know I hadn’t cut it up!” …
On the ice cream
“You have GOT to try this,” I say, just before bed. “Hm?” MindReader says, blowing out our candles. “The ice cream!” “Oh no,” MindReader says, “I don’t really like coconut.” (which proves what a good and selfless girlfriend I am). “No really, you have GOT to try it.” I bring a spoonful over and MIndReader …
Reasons to believe my coconut ice cream will be rubbish
Hello from the land of not-really-well-enough-to-bake-but-doing-it-anyway-and-feeling-crap! 1. The recipe said I had to cream the egg yolks and sugar together until it was pale and creamy. However, mine remained bright yellow and then my arm started shaking and I thought – the first fatal mistake of the day – it’ll probably be fine. I now …
Conversations in the kitchen
“Make sure you check on the spuds, too,” MindReader says, about to close the door. I love that he calls potatoes spuds. I am cooking on my own. My ability to stand up for a while, combined with the restless boredom that only the end of a chronic illness can bring, means I have – …
According to MindReader it doesn’t taste ‘all that bad’.
“I’m going to bake an apple pie,” I say to MadFather. “And – bake my own pastry.” “Blimey,” he says, following me into the kitchen. We do it in three stages, with lying down time for me. And let me tell you, it is very stressful to have to leave a disaster to go and …
Improvements in health and baking
“It says here,” I say, pushing my new fringe out of my eyes and squinting at the recipe, “that you boil the orange for two hours until soft – done – and then blend it. Including the skin.” “Right,” MadFather says, his hands covered in orange. “Why did you choose this recipe when we don’t …
Not to mention when madfather dropped his contact lens and found it covered in flour…
“I’m bored,” I say, extracting myself from MindReader’s embrace and walking into the kitchen. I try not to think that today I have tidied my room, made two rounds of drinks and had a very long shower. I try not to let The Glands realise I am getting better. I come back armed with ground …
Reasons to believe my gluten-dairy-free almond macaroons are going to be disgusting:
1. The instructions said “put an egg white into a bowl and whisk until it forms frothy peaks but is not stiff.” So, I put an egg white into a bowl, removed the shell, and whisked it. For half an hour. Egg white remained yellow piss-like liquid and did not become frothy or peaky. 2. …
