I put my phone down on my pillow in horror.
“Oh my god,” I say to the silent room. MindReader is sleeping next to me. Benny is sleeping at the foot of the bed. Both are snoring.
I try to talk myself down, but am famously bad at this; indeed, am the worst possible company for myself (“hey, we’re all going to die,” “are you really any further on in your career than you were a year ago?” = things my brain likes to say), and end up waking MindReader.
“I have four pounds in my bank account,” I say to MindReader, and then burst into tears.
To his credit, he does not look remotely confused/not know where he is/say something bizarre as I would do if woken at ten to one in the morning. Instead he says “hey hey,” and lets me burrow my face in his neck.
“I mis-calculated. My money has run out. I have no money.” I gesture to the HSBC iPhone app. “I thought I had more but I’ve just been guessing…”
MindReader heaves a sigh into the night and turns the light on. “Money freak outs are the worst,” he says. MindReader knows all about the financial freak out, having been Very Poor when at law school with me, and driving a Metro with actual holes in the bottom.
“It’s the shock of it,” I say, wiping my eyes and sitting up cross legged.
“We’ve got five grand in the bank.”
“That’s mostly your granddad’s gift!” I say, the tears starting again. “We shouldn’t live on that because of my stupid stupid body.”
MindReader looks at me. “It won’t come to that,” he says. “I’ll pay for as much as I can so we don’t use all the savings.”
“Even my contact lenses?” I say, sniffing, my contact lens monthly payments being oddly emblematic of being financially steady and independent.
“Even your contact lenses.”
The rooms tilts as I look at him; a reminder from my body that even at one o’clock in the morning when I am completely freaking out about something else that it is still sick.
“I’d swap it,” I say, lying back down next to him. “Even for a really fat body.”
“I should regret buying that coat,” I say.
“You can’t regret that coat. It’s lovely.”
The cat joins us and we all go back to sleep.