“So hoovering, sweeping washing, bedding,” MindReader says.
“And those are all once a week?”
MindReader raises his eyebrows. “Yes.”
We are making a housework schedule. MindReader and I are not naturally neat and tidy people.
We fill in the rest of the chores.
“Look, look,” MindReader says. He enters a “yes” after every chore and next to Friday, 3 August 2012 a green box lights up bearing the word “takeaway!”
“Ha,” I say. “Very good. We have to earn our takeaway. Have you considered we can’t afford weekly takeaway?”
MindReader smirks and looks at the lengthy chore list. “There is no way we’ll do this weekly.”
MindReader wanders into the kitchen and begins making something delicious-smelling. I stare at the chore list and work out if there is anything I can do RIGHT NOW. I follow him and begin cleaning the hob.
“Oh god,” MindReader says.
“I need a green box next to a chore,” I say. “I need green boxes for self worth!”
“Well it still has to be clean by the end of the week…”
I put the sponge down. “What?”
“Takeaway is at the weekend!”
“No. The chart says has it been done? not does it still look as if it’s been done by Friday night? If it’s been done, that’s enough. Sort your definitions out.”
“What’s it worth?” I say to Mum. We are taking bets on when EarlyNiece may walk.
“A Lush bath?”
“You’re on. Now, what is the definition of walking?”
“I think at least five or six steps, unaided.”
“And what about if she walks on the date in exactly in between our dates?”
“Then we buy each other a bath bomb,” Mum says.
“Right,” I say. “My longstop date is…”