We’re moving home to madfather’s, which will be weird

billygean ♦ July 26, 2009 ♦ 1 Comment

I am very nervous today.

Tomorrow – office.

And then, I’m at BathShop on Tuesday and going on a training day in SHEFFIELD on Thursday which is a very early morning but with the promise of lots of free stuff.

And then on Friday we are MOVING HOUSE.

And then on Saturday I am at Bathshop, MindReader is in London on another stag do, and I am going to Nottingham to see DoctorSister and her cats.

My body is now quite used to being busy – indeed in just a week I notice I can do a ten hour shift at Bathshop now without my legs aching – and we frequently go out too late or take really long walks and all that. It’s just really the sleeping thing that holds me back now. I continue to moan that I have made no improvements. Back in January when we moved into this flat, I was pretty useless on less than 10 hours’ sleep and that continues to be the case now. I’ve got a little better at – I hate to say it – managing the tiredness, in that I know I CAN go to work on 7 hours’ sleep and be okay at carrying things and talking to customers. But the fact of how I feel – drunk, so tired sleep is all I can think about sometimes, achey, dry eyes – is just the same.

I thought this, until MadFather pointed out that in February I turned down a lecture at 10am because I wouldn’t be able to concentrate. And that I used to say I was so tired I was dizzy – a fact which has, thankfully, passed. So, I can only conclude that the fatigue is receeding, and I just can’t tell. Which is why I think I have to push myself. Even if I did just read a story about someone on the Action For ME website who GOT WELL and then had a relapse and has been BEDRIDDEN ever since. *breathes*. I think it is a fact all chronic illness sufferers have to deal with: it can come back, and it is good enough to smell the freshly cut grass until it does.

So: I have absolutely no idea if I’m going to remain well enough this week to do all the things that I want to do, but I think it’s come to the point where I have to try. I have to know my limits so I can begin to try and push them. As nice as it is to work part time at BathShop and at home, it can’t be forever and I need to know how far off joining the real world of 9 – 5 I actually am.

In short this week is packed with bad and scary things. Returning to a near-full time week. My beloved boyfriend going away. moving house. Being on a train to Sheffield at 7:53am. I am counting down the next 7 days.

But then, I remember a time when I moaned that i was depressed because the momentum of life comes from having to ‘get through’ bad things and look forward to good things, and lying on the sofa all day every day didn’t really cut it as a reward. The fact that I’m even contemplating doing this is a leap and a bound, admittedly one I never even wanted to BE a big deal if I hadn’t GOT GLANDULAR FEVER IN THE FIRST PLACE.

Still – rant over, wish me luck.