Billygean.co.uk

We are at OldHousemate’s wedding. I lived with her for three years at University so it is sort of momentous. Well, as momentous as weddings can be when you attend one a week.

“I need a wee I need a wee I need a wee,” I chunter to MindReader. We have just sat down for the reception.

“Go after the bride and groom come in,” he says, looking only slightly exasperated. You may laugh at me on this blog but he has to deal with me ALL THE TIME.

“No because then the food might be served and I need to be here to check it’s gluten-free!” I say. It is stressful. “I’m going now,” I say, and dash off to the loo.

On the way back, I see OldHousemate and her HUSBAND waiting to walk in. I dither for a moment and stand with the catering staff. Probably since I have already harassed them 11 times about wheat flour, they look at me like I am a complete moron. Which is up for debate.

OldHousemate makes a sort of motioning with her hand. I’ve got time, I think.

SOMETHING WENT WRONG, THOUGH, because at that moment the Master of Ceremonies announces the bride and groom.

SO WE ALL ENTER TOGETHER.

TO THUNDEROUS APPLAUSE.

All the photos of the bride and groom have ME ON THEM. Looking horrified.

I dash to the table and sit down. I am bright red.

MindReader is crying with laughter.

“Just my luck!” I say feebly.

“Not bad luck!” MindReader says. “Most people would wait!”

“But -”

“100 times out of 100 in that situation you WAIT!”

And for the rest of the night that was all anyone spoke about. Complete strangers knew me as the girl who came in with the bride and groom.

“Thanks for that Billygean,” OldHousemate says, brushing by in her white dress. “That made our day.”

I look up. “Are you joking? I completely stole your thunder!”

“No! It was just classic Billygean. It was GREAT.”