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Compulsive Reading

Dec 30

Looe

by billygean

He took me to Cornwall.

“Well!” he said as we unpacked our stuff in the tiny, wifi-equipped, sea-facing self-catered (thereby ticking all my boxes) flat. “What shall we do first?”

I thought for a moment, looking out of the window at the waves rolling further and further up the beach. I opened the door, my heels sinking into the sand and the sea air stinging my lips. “I think I’d like a snog on the beach,” I said.

And so we did.


MindReader and the bottom

 

 


MindReader, looking much stockier than he is because of all the layers…

 



Chasing sheep on Bodmin Moor. They did not want to be cuddled.

 


This morning

diet Holidays illness MindReader

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Dec 26

Merry Christmas

by billygean

MadFather raises his glass to toast. I lift up my gluten free orange squash.

He tilts his head at my glass. “Better than last year?”

I consider it. There is so much I cannot have, and cannot do. Sometimes the future stretches out before me in an endless run of reading labels and talking slowly to waiters and never having cake.

Last year, although I had enough energy, I spent the whole day on the sofa unable to eat because I felt so nauseous.

Sometimes, though, no matter how much perspective I have that it is better not to eat wheat than to be bedirdden, I simple wish those weren’t my choices.

I clear my head.

“Yes,” I say. “Even if I sometimes lack energy, I feel good.”

“Actually, you wouldn’t know you were sick, now,” he says.

I think back to the past few days. An endless run of shopping and cooking and laughing.

And it’s true. I clink my glass with his.

diet illness

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Dec 22

The life of a coeliac

by billygean

“And is this… mint sauce okay?” I say to my Nanna’s husband.

“I’ll just get the jar.”

I read the label. Spirit vinegar, fine, soya lecithin, fine… “Oh it’s fine,” I say, and spoon some onto my meat.

“I just added malt vinegar to that,” he says.

Oh shit.

diet illness

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Dec 19

Fixing me

by billygean

Well.

I’m feeling quite a bit better. Wheat has once again been eradicated from my kitchen. Went to college on Wednesday which was incredibly bizarre but in a good way, and went shopping for three hours yesterday and I felt – dare I say it – well!

I’m going to a wedding tomorrow on my Mum’s side of the family, and it’s an early start which will no doubt anger the glands.

Am wearing a beautiful red dress and MindReader has been told to wear a red tie. He’s finished work for Christmas now until 31st when he’s doing half day.

We have so much coming up this week and it is a time for reflections. Last year I was energetic enough to sit up all day on Christmas day but I felt so sick; throwing up for no reason and so on. This year I sometimes have no energy, but that is slowly going, and, more important, I feel healthy. We have this wedding, Christmas, our holiday and then new year, and I’m so pleased my body is (at last) letting me enjoy it.

illness

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Dec 17

So going to dr next week to get diagnosed…

by billygean

“How’re you doing?” Cousin says to me.

“Oh, alright,” I say. “I got really well and then – I don’t know – some sort of flu but that was a month ago and I’m still not right…”

“Oh right,” he says. “Strange. And how’s the wheat?”

“Well I reintroduced wheat, but took it out again when I got that gastic flu thing…”

He pauses for a moment, the phone line crackling. “So you reintroduced wheat and then you got ill?”

I think. “I suppose so.”

“Were you like – ravenous?”

“Yes but illness uses up energy…” I say, feeling the donuts slipping away from me.

“Ravenous is very celiac. Light headed?”

“Er, yes…”

“My blood test was negative too,” he says. And if I eat wheat I get tired and ravenous.”

“Have I had enough wheat – to do that sort of damage? It was only four days’ worth,” I say, omitting that I also had 7 chcolate oranges, out of shame more than anything.

“Yes,” he says immediately. “I wouldn’t eat wheat ever again if I were you.”

And something slides into place in my mind.

And – although no donuts – no more unexplained sickness, either.

diet illness

1 Comment »
Dec 15

On understatements

by billygean

“What’s happened is your tear glands were affected by this…” the consultant looks at his sheet “glandular fever that you say you had a while ago. So now your cornea doesn’t renew itself.”

“Right…” I say. “What does that mean?”

“Just that you need to use these drops 8 times a day.”

“8!”

“Yes, they’re quite dry. I’ve not seen anything like this really. Tell me – did the glandular fever affect you otherwise?”

I almost laughed.

illness

1 Comment »
Dec 15

Your auto update

by billygean

Right. Hello. Sorry, sorry, I have been BUSY.

Body is not back to normal yet. In fact just on Thursday it protested about me sitting up for two hours in the MORNING God forbid and attached invisible weights to my arms and legs for the rest of the day. Getting someone else to wrap my presents – not good.

Went to MindReader’s work ‘do on Saturday and managed to sit up from 7 until (ahem) 2 in the morning so that is something, although body did then do some protesting on Sunday. Sat up on way home and then needed a lie down. Felt better after 5 minutes and sat up all evening (?). What a strange thing.

Dashed about today in fit of ridiculous behaviour. Had to go to optical hospital (more on that later). Got a return at the bus stop. Went to hospital. Everybody was 80. Then got on bus home but went via Boots to get contact lenses now I can wear them again. Bought a single because was on phone to MadFather and had lost return. Asked man on bus when next bus home was and he said “you should have got a return. I’m driving the next bus anyway and it’s at 4:25.”

I nodded along even though I HAD a return because I am a liar and realised would probably not use it lest he question me about my web of lies.

Got into Boots. Realised prescription for eye drops WASN’T redeemable in all chemists like the consultant told me so waited at bus stop for bus BACK to hospital. I know April-Billygean would have LOVED to get buses everywhere but honestly – this was a bit of a pain.

No bus arrived FOREVER. Went into Asda and bought some shoes. Felt a lot better.

Rang taxi to take me to the hospital. Realised was unlikely to wait for the bus again. It comes once an hour. The odds weren’t good. Asked taxi driver to wait for me. prescription took FOREVER and taxi driver came INTO THE HOSPITAL and started SHOUTING at me about how I was paying waiting time. Silly me!

Got taxi home. Cost me £19. Plus original return of £3.50. Plus the single at £1.80. Plus the sympathy shoes that stopped me crying at £15 (I know! bargain!)

SO. That was today. COLLEGE are bothering me. I emailed them to ask what to revise and what not to revise because the law has changed. They emailed back saying I MUST attend a three hour lecture this Wednesday from TEN A.M. What happens at ten a.m? I have NO idea. Anyway, it can’t be that vital because I contacted them after all. Said I’d had a bug and I’d been in bed for a year afterall. Nobody batted an eyelid and I got what felt like an automated reply telling me it was ‘absolutely necessary’ I attend and that it’s all on slides so no need for note taking. I’m not sure why they think note taking is difficult. It’s the bus. And the not sleeping. And the 4 hours in college. NOTE TAKING I can do.

Right.

Have since emailed back and said could they email me the lecture notes since they were ‘all on slides’. Have said I compromised my health in January and it didn’t exactly end well. I await their snotty replies.

illness

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Dec 12

Sadly we did not uncover a culinary flavour pairing

by billygean

“What’s happened?” MindReader says, coming in the back door from the outside freezer bearing frozen mince.

“Meh,” I say. “How do you know…?”

“The way you were standing. As soon as I saw through the window I knew something was up.”

I smile and gesture to the potatoes I am cutting up. “I was just making our coffees on the chopping board -”

“Of course. Sensible.”

“Anyway now the potato chips are coffee flavoured.”

MindReader smirks. “Don’t move,” he says, as I smear the coffee further into a potato.

He gets a sieve and boils the kettle and begins to wash the potatoes.

“Is this how you imagined living with me?” I say.

“Pretty much exactly.”

MindReader

1 Comment »
Dec 9

I’m actually quite proud!

by billygean

“Hello?” OldestFriend says into her phone.

“How do I wrap a circular tub?”

“What??”

“How do I wrap a circular tub.”

OldestFriend laughs for quite a few seconds. “Oh God Billygean,” she splutters. “I have no idea how to describe this to you.”

OldestFriend is an interior designer and got me through the mandatory art exam we had to sit by giving me a template. I got her through physics by making an anal revision table on excel.

“I know,” I half-wail.

“Okay – roll the tub up so the paper’s around it.”

“Oh! I had it on top of it…”

“What were you going to do with it?!”

“Just – cover it in paper!”

“Like a collage?”

I laugh. “Exactly.”

“So you roll the paper around the tub…”

“Like – so – like it’s a hat and the tub is the head?”

“What?”

“Oh never mind…”

“Anyway – then when you’ve finished – like – fold a bit of the top down and the rest will follow… DO it neatly though and make sure they’re not too big…”

“Oh God,” I say. “This sounds very Blue Peter and I am not very Blue Peter.”

“You’ll be fine!” she said falsely.

“I’ll send you a photo of how it goes.”

I ended up holding it with my feet and sticking my hand to it.

Uncategorized

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Dec 8

On encounters at college

by billygean

I sit in the college library, almost a year on.

It smells just the same; of books and computers and tiredness. The last time I was in here was February the 17th when I walked out of my exam, too sick to care, and cried in the library as I emailed OldTutor.

I spot a familiar face, an Old Housemate, who approaches me.

“Billygean?!” He says.

“Yes…” I say. Am I that changed?

“Sorry -” he says. “The hair and glasses confused me.”

And the smug air of someone having come through a chronic illness, I think to myself.

“How have you been – weren’t you a bit ill earlier in the year?” he says.

I smile to myself. “Yes I was,” I say.

illness law

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