Billygean.co.uk

Compulsive Reading

On relapses

It’s amazing how quickly you remember.

I fall back into old habits so easily: crying in the bath, canceling plans, bargaining with the Gods.

None of it works, of course.

Putting my socks on once again exhausts me, and I leave my hair unbrushed because there is something wrong with my arms again.

I got to November, I think, as I lie in the bath. Would it be worth it – three months of health for every nine months of fatigue?

The hope that this is a bug, a blip, brightens as I think about the last few days. I have felt sick, and so has MadFather. Maybe it will go soon – tomorrow, the next day – and I will forget this whole sorry episode. But then I remember how I felt in March – just the same; the aches, shaking hands, too exhausted to make drinks – and the hope fades to grey.

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9 Comments

  1. Wanda

    Hang on, dear heart. Hang on. I, too, hope that this is a blip…a transient bug on a brief vacation. I know only too well what it is like to be sick and tired of being sick and tired. My thoughts are with you.

  2. Annawellingtonington

    Oh Billygean. I hope we did not wear you out the other day. Lots of love xxx

  3. Meg, because she can't log into her stupid blog accounts!

    It’s a blip. Just a blip. Like the occasional days where my moods are darker than storm water. When I’m in the middle of it, I can’t imagine finding my way to the other side – but I do. I guess what I’m trying to say is, I do find the other side. And so will you. Who knows, it could just be a temporary and involuntary reaction to the decision you made about school – it’ll pass, as the decision settles. But either way, you are going to get through this.

    Hugs.

  4. Meg, because she can't log into her stupid blog accounts!

    It’s a blip. Just a blip. Like the occasional days where my moods are darker than storm water. When I’m in the middle of it, I can’t imagine finding my way to the other side – but I do. I guess what I’m trying to say is, I do find the other side. And so will you. Who knows, it could just be a temporary and involuntary reaction to the decision you made about school – it’ll pass, as the decision settles. But either way, you are going to get through this.

    Hugs.

  5. Meg, because she can't log into her stupid blog accounts!

    It’s a blip. Just a blip. Like the occasional days where my moods are darker than storm water. When I’m in the middle of it, I can’t imagine finding my way to the other side – but I do. I guess what I’m trying to say is, I do find the other side. And so will you. Who knows, it could just be a temporary and involuntary reaction to the decision you made about school – it’ll pass, as the decision settles. But either way, you are going to get through this.

    Hugs.

  6. It's fun to bank

    Hope you’re feeling better. I’m sure it’s just a bug, we’ve all had it!

    I know a million people probably say this to you- but make sure you rest and get over the bug properly before you’re out and about again, you’re immune system probably needs a bit more time to recover than someone who hasn’t had ME for months.

  7. It's fun to bank

    Hope you’re feeling better. I’m sure it’s just a bug, we’ve all had it!

    I know a million people probably say this to you- but make sure you rest and get over the bug properly before you’re out and about again, you’re immune system probably needs a bit more time to recover than someone who hasn’t had ME for months.

  8. It's fun to bank

    Hope you’re feeling better. I’m sure it’s just a bug, we’ve all had it!

    I know a million people probably say this to you- but make sure you rest and get over the bug properly before you’re out and about again, you’re immune system probably needs a bit more time to recover than someone who hasn’t had ME for months.

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