Billygean.co.uk

Compulsive Reading

Aug 31

My weekend

by billygean

The room is filled with people and laughter. A half full bottle of red wine is on the table next to empty glasses, a huge bar of dairy milk and left over MindReader’s homemade curry.

It has been an eventful evening.

“To you on your engagement,” I say to my good friend, clinking my glass with everyone. We toast and sip the wine, it runs, heavy, down my throat. I have missed wine.

I snuggle closer to MindReader and feel a vague lump in my throat. My life is standing still.

“How’s your sister, by the way?” I ask after a moment.

“Oh she’s okay, a bit better. She’s dumped the bad boy…”

“That’s good,” I say.

“I keep telling her she just needs to find someone who’s not – fiery – like her. Someone who’ll calm her down.”

I smirk at MindReader.

“You know,” GoodFriend continues, “someone who’ll mellow her out and will just take it if she shouts at him.”

MindReader clears his throat.

“Sorry,” I say. “It’s just – you’re basically describing our relationship.”

Everybody laughs and I escape to the kitchen for a moment to provide more drinks.

MindReader opens a can of cider and pulls me into his arms. “Hello,” he says, kissing my nose, my eyelids.

“I’m not sure I’ve been in love before,” I blurt. Such is my way. “Have you?”

He is quiet for a while. I shouldn’t have asked. Of course he has.

“Not like this,” he says eventually.

And – even including the mind numbingly frustrating illness – I feel like everything in my life is as it should be.

illness MindReader

2 Comments »
Aug 29

Wherein I am incredibly generous

by billygean

“Just one more thing,” I say on the phone to MindReader. “How many cuddly toys is okay in our room?”

“Umm, I would say… one,” he says.

“Oh,” I say. “I have narrowed it down to seven but they are scattered around… Tell you what, you can bring as many cuddly toys as you like!”

“That’s what I call compromising.”

living in sin MindReader

6 Comments »
Aug 28

Living in sin

by billygean

So.

MindReader is moving in. You may have known this.

He starts his Proper Lawyer Job on 1st September which was when we were supposed to get a flat in the City together.

My Body is spoilt brat and has prevented this.

Since MindReader lives in Shropshire, commuting to work is not really okay, he is moving in here!

On Sunday.

There has been over a year of horrible long distance and it’s about to end, hurrah!

He’s been moving stuff over slowly for the past few weeks. It is nice, to merge lives, to find mysterious hair gelling products and odd clothes all over my room that smell of him. He will see me cut my toe nails and jumping in the shower with him will no longer be something I do on weekends. Eee!

Last night I (scarily) watched him sleep, and as I looked at the hairs on his chest (strangely dark, not blond), the lopsided smile he wears in his sleep, an arm strewn lazily across his body, I thought I could look at him forever. This, I thought, is love.

So I used today’s and tomorrow’s energy, sorting our room out. OUR room!!


Our bed!
His and hers cosmetics (more hers than his…)


What MindReader is currently reading

living in sin MindReader

13 Comments »
Aug 26

On old Disney movies

by billygean

“Oh Lady,” MindReader says, rubbing my belly. Ever since I made him watch Lady and the Tramp on one rainy Monday we have taken to imitating it.

“He’s lost his sense of smell,” MindReader says, miming scratching his ears. “Aye Laddy,” he says, switching to imitating the Scottish dog.

“Have you considered being a Lady and the Tramp imitator?” I say.

“I can’t do them all,” MindReader says. “I can’t do – what’s his name – scamp?”

“Which one?”

“The one Lady end up with?”

I giggle. “Tramp?”

I pause. “There’s a clue in the question,” I say.

“Oh my God,” he says, “so there is.”

blonde moments MindReader

No Comments »
Aug 26

Weekend news

by billygean

This weekend I have:

* Been to the CINEMA. And, it was such a foreign experience for me that I had to look around to see if normal people sat up straight or rested their heads on the headrests. I don’t know what’s normal!
* Been to the PUB. For an hour.
* Been SHOPPING and got stuck in a dress. That I then bought. Because I realised it had a zip you could undo.

 

illness MindReader

2 Comments »
Aug 24

A blonde moment not involving illness (I hope)!

by billygean

“I sat on my glasses,” I say to MadFather, pouting.

He takes the glasses off me and bends the arms for a while. “Any better?” he says.

I put them on again. “They’re less crooked,” I say, “but for some reason I can’t see very clearly out of them.”

“Oh,” he says, taking back the glasses and fiddling some more. “Now?” he says.

“Hm,” I say. “They feel totally normal but everything is blurred.”

MadFather’s face cracks into a smile. “Do you have your contact lenses in Billygean?”

“Oh,” I say. “Maybe.”

blonde moments Dad embarrassing

No Comments »
Aug 21

Wondering where my commenters have gone?!

by billygean

BestFriend from Law School is sitting opposite me. I have not seen her since results’ night over a year ago, where we drank pints of wine and danced with no shoes on.

Since then, she has stroked Lions in Africa, gone tubing in Laos, got her roots done in Sydney, met an American in LA and travelled around Mexico with him.

And I’ve – well – you know.

“I can’t believe this has happened to you,” she says, pushing back the beads that adorn her wrists. Her hair has gone bright blonde.

“Yes, well,” I say, “I’m getting better now.”

“But still – it’s awful,” she says, and it is nice to hear. It is sometimes much better than ‘stay positives’ and ‘but you can do more, now.’

“I know,” I smile. “We’ll be doing the LPC at the same time next year too, now,” I say.

“God yeah.”

“We’ve had quite different gap years,” I say quietly.

“Same result though,” she says.

“Hmm?”

“Oh you know, development, sense of self, emotional progress.”

“You think?”

“Definitely,” she says, putting her tea down and looking directly into my eyes. “I don’t think I could cope with what you’ve had to. Trust me, you’ll be glad it happened one day. Trust me.”

And I do.

illness

8 Comments »
Aug 19

On North and South Ossetia!

by billygean

“So,” I say to MindReader. We are lying in bed. Post coital conversations are my speciality. “What’s going on with Russia?”

He had mentioned Russia when having a Serious Discussion with MadFather earlier.

“Well,” he says, as I shift closer to him, my head on his shoulder. He wraps an arm around my shoulders. “This mole – freckle -”

“I think it’s a cafe au lait,” I say.

“Okay,” he says, pointing to my upper arm again. “This – mark – is Ossetia. North Ossetia is in Russia and South Ossetia is in Georgia,” he says, drawing a line across my skin.

He continues talking, making complicated patterns on my arm. He is my family, I think.

***

“Morning,” MadFather says.

“Hello,” I say, flopping onto the sofa. “Ah,” I say, nodding to the news, “Russia.”

“Yep,” he says. “Know what’s going on?”

“Yes,” I say, rolling up my sleeve.

“What are you doing?”

MindReader

No Comments »
Aug 17

Woes

by billygean

“I was telling my Mum about your situation,” BestFriend says. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to make it sound like you’re – pregnant.”

I laugh. “Oh no, it’s fine. What were you telling her?”

“Just about your illness, and how MadFather’s lost his job and is a bit depressed…”

“Ah,” I say. “That.”

“Yes.”

I laugh again. “True.”

“And you know what she said?”

“Hmm?”

“She said it just sounds like you need someone to – you know – look after you. Without anything in return. So you stop feeling guilty.”

The sentence is so true that the air stills around it. Tears well into my eyes and spill into the bath.

“In an ideal world,” I say.

illness

2 Comments »
Aug 13

Photos from our second date this year

by billygean

MindReader and I are sitting on bales of hay that are probably full of spiders. I am maintaining that while it was me who suggested a day (40 minutes) out at a petting zoo, it was him who saw the lambs were being bottle fed and suggested we go and join in.

“So which boys and girls want to feed the lambs?” the loud and annoying farm lady says.

I exchange a wry smile with MindReader. The phrase boys and girls makes it slightly difficult to go and join in.

And then. And THEN -

“Who wants to sing a song?”

I am dying inside. This is probably not what MindReader wanted to spend his annual leave doing. What will all the other lawyers say?

“Baa baa black sheep -”

“There’s only one thing for it,” I say, pulling MindReader up and dashing out of the barn, negotiating lambs and sheep and pushing past toddlers.


embarrassing illness MindReader

3 Comments »
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