More pining
Huffed all evening due to lack of contact from MindReader.
He rang this morning, his voice very deep and hungover, full of tales of drinking til late and playing golf and going for curries.
It only served to remind me of the things we no longer do – of lingering hours in restaurants and of standing, our arms around each others’ waists – standing up! without thinking about it! – talking to friends over wine.
And it then reminds me of all the things I used to do (used to do, when did my life become a past tense?) when MindReader and I were apart; of trips to Oxford in the sunshine, of summer nights lingering over wine, discussing bodies and blow jobs, of girly shopping trips for shoes and Starbucks breaks.
And then, ever the lawyer, my mind jumps to where we should be, where we’d be if my body had not intervened – this summer, travelling around Thailand, Cambodia, Australia – and then, both lawyers, living together, cooking together with me NOT sitting on the kitchen floor, seeing plays and films and eating out. I think of people I know who have this life – not a dimly-lit life on hold on their sofa – and I wonder they’re not ecstatic all the time.
This was too much for me to say on the phone. So instead I was curt and rude until he said he had to go.
Women, hey?
- Posted in: illness ♦ MindReader
My life was full like yours, before I became ill. Be careful not to push Mindreader away. Your sickness is difficult for him as well. Do not become bitter. You will be well one day and this will seem a bad dream. Hang on to Mindreader!
Hm, is easier said than done I’m afraid.
hurry up body, get well etc.
He swears he’s not going anywhere but I think if I were him I’d run a mile.
What is wrong with you?
BG
Hmmm, what is wrong with me? I have a desease called Interstitial Cystitis (extremely painful bladder condition), there is no known cause or cure. I also have Fibromyalgia. Most days even my HAIR hurts! I am now disabled, unable to work or enjoy life like I used to. I do get a monthly check from Social Security. Everyday I have to fight to keep from becoming a bitter person. Some days I win and others I don’t. On the really bad days I read your blog while laying in bed with my laptop. You hang in there!
Hm I see, both conditions are a rubbish diagnosis to get, I am so sorry to hear that. Although my every-day is spent with the laptop in bed I am thankful that I’m not in pain.
There is no advice I can give really; life’s a shitter sometimes for no reason.
BG