Monthly Archives: April, 2008
It’s not that much really
Reflexologist: Have you shaved your feet? Me: Yes. [pause] Reflexologist: Why? Me: I have hairs on my toes and tops of my feet and it’s horrible. Reflexologist: But shaving? Me: Yes. I have rather a lot of hair. [pause] So anyway how was your week? Reflexologist: How much hair? Me: LOADS. She did not say …
Trust me my readers google for stranger things
I click the drop down arrow on Google toolbar. Stick with it. It gets more interesting. MindReader is behind me, sat on my mound of pillows whilst I slump back against him. My entire google search history since I have had this laptop opens up. “Writers Handbook 2008,” he reads. “Fahrenheit conversion celsius, and ideal …
Wherein I talk to the television
“You can go on a walk, you’ve got no problems,” I say irrationally at the television. MindReader gazes calmly at me. “What?” I sigh. “I would never be bitter about problems if I could just stand up and go on a walk and lament about them.” “Hmm,” MindReader says. “She’s so lucky,” I say. “What …
The only card I have made looks like a toddler did it
“HomeFriend came round today,” I say on the phone to MindReader. “Oh?” he says. “How was she?” “Good,” I say. “What presents did she bring you?” I smile. “A card making kit. So far I have stuck my hands together and glued everything in the box to the card, randomly.” “Oh,” he soothes. “Maybe with …
Permission to ignore the cow print pyjamas who offended the postman
So I had a bath, and I thought I got the sticky marks from where the heartrate thingies went in the ambulance. And then today they have slowly appeared again, gathering fluff. I cannot get rid of them!! Tips?
Pillow talk
I spoon myself closer to MindReader. “What’s our ‘thing’?” I say to him. “Our thing?” “You know, couples have a thing, like going to plays or hosting dinner parties.” “Not sure,” he says, squeezing my waist. “That’s my spleen,” I say. “It’s aching.” “Sorry,” he says. “What was your highlight of today?” “Not having meningitis,” …
I must be okay if i’m blogging
For some reason today I can’t even lift my head off the pillow. I huff and lie back to paint my newly-grown finger nails. The paint slicks on, a glossy wet line along my nail. And that’s when I see them. One on my ring finger. Three on my arm. Two on my other arm. …
Matchstick girl
The doorbell goes. I look down at my outfit. I have been meaning to have a bath all day, but have been distracted by things like America’s Next Top Model and Gossip Girl. Consequently I have added various items to my pyjamas – hot pants and vest top – as I got colder. namely, a …
Welcome to the NHS
“Do you think you could be depressed?” I stare at the Doctor. “Definitely,” I say, without missing a beat. “You try not leaving the house since January.” “No, no,” he says. “Do you think you don’t want to get up because you are depressed?” I drum my fingers on the table. “I have a temperature …
Because sometimes, when everything is weird, you have to talk about litters of baby goats
MindReader walks into the living room, and I rush into his arms. “How’re you?” he says into my hair. “Scared,” I say. Today was not a good day. Still bed-ridden? My Doctor had said, her eyes darkening. I’m not sure this is mononucleosis we’re dealing with anymore. Tears pooled in my eyes in her little …
