Billygean.co.uk

Compulsive Reading

Feb 27

Light

by billygean

Tomorrow is my birthday.

Tonight I have got DRESSED for the first time in 9 days to mark the occasion (and possibly because MindReader’s coming over in an hour and he perhaps deserves to have a girlfriend who wears dayclothes) I feel absolutely knackered from opening my drawers and am going to go and have a lie down, but still! Clothes!

I am trying not to be too bleak. I have perfected the art of napping (3.25 – 5pm), not shouting at MindReader and MadFather when I need help getting up the stairs, and feeling sorry for my body and its low platelet counts and other complaints so that I do pretty much whatever it tells me to. Today, it needed expensive Covent Garden Co. soup. What can you do but obey? :)

Also: it’s hard to be bleak when you received 20 birthday cards today alone, and Haribo sweets through the post :)

illness MindReader

2 Comments »
Feb 25

Darkness

by billygean

Body is evil creature not deserving of my love.

Today was too tired to lift my head off pillow.

Tonight cannot sleep.

Have stupid ultrasound in 8 hours. Going to have to cancel if do not sleep soon otherwise will be zombie all week including my BIRTHDAY.

This sucks more than anything I have ever been through. There is especially no respite from my thoughts if my body won’t sleep.

Uncategorized

5 Comments »
Feb 23

As it goes it was my beautiful A&F t shirt for my birthday and so worth it!

by billygean

“Beep beep.”

My eyes fly open.

For a moment I doze, wrapping MindReader’s lovely smelling t shirt (that I stole) around me.

“Beep beep.”

I look lazily at my phone. It does not appear to want anything. I close my eyes again.

“Beep beep.”

I sit up, my head spinning. The beeping gets louder when I walk unsteadily out of my room.

I scratch my stomach, and, looking down, realise there is a label poking out of my pants.

I have my pants on backwards.

“Beep beep.”

I sit down on the landing. What the hell is that?

I follow the sound down the stairs, stopping in between beeps and twirling around uselessly.

The beeps are getting louder as I walk through the living room to the kitchen. I am poised in the kitchen waiting for the next beep. Then I shall have it!

It beeps. I stare at the counter. It is the PHONE. Oh! The phone has a low battery and wants everyone to know.

The doorbell rings. I open the door absentmindedly.

The FedEx man stares at me. Me, in my boyfriend’s t-shirt and my age 9 pants on backwards.

“We don’t need to discuss this,” I say, gesturing to my body.

“So true,” he says, and I sign for the parcel in silence.

embarrassing

1 Comment »
Feb 23

Query

by billygean

Body is not much improving. As in, I saved up all of today’s energy to stumble over here and write this (MadFather is back this evening complete with laptop – hurrah for blogging in bed!). This is fine. Body is spoilt brat and gets whatever it wants at the moment.

In the meantime I am going MAD and my BRAIN IS MELTING watching all of the trash on TV. Seriously. A couple look at three houses and choose their favourite? For ONE HOUR? A couple cannot sell their house, TV show come and paint their living room. A couple would like to move to Spain and speak English and not have to work. They buy a property. It doesn’t work out how they thought. Quelle surprise!

So: what can I do lying (or, on a good day, sitting!) that is NOT WATCHING TRASH?

asking the internet illness

No Comments »
Feb 23

Query

by billygean

Body is not much improving. As in, I saved up all of today’s energy to stumble over here and write this (MadFather is back this evening complete with laptop – hurrah for blogging in bed!). This is fine. Body is spoilt brat and gets whatever it wants at the moment.

In the meantime I am going MAD and my BRAIN IS MELTING watching all of the trash on TV. Seriously. A couple look at three houses and choose their favourite? For ONE HOUR? A couple cannot sell their house, TV show come and paint their living room. A couple would like to move to Spain and speak English and not have to work. They buy a property. It doesn’t work out how they thought. Quelle surprise!

So: what can I do lying (or, on a good day, sitting!) that is NOT WATCHING TRASH?

asking the internet illness

3 Comments »
Feb 23

My body

by billygean

“How’re you?” DoctorSister says into the phone, as we both sink into our SEPARATE baths.

“Tired.”

“Poor lady,” she says. “Keep resting properly.”

“I will,” I say. And I am unable to resist. “So what is actually happening in my body?”

“Well,” she says. “You have two types of white blood cell. T and B. When a virus attacks your B cells politely ask your T cells if they’ve seen it before. If they have everyone starts multiplying like rabbits.”

“I see,” I say. “So they they just kill it?”

“Well, you also have Natural Killer Cells. They’re like the football hooligans of the immune system. They basically kill anything unless it asks to be saved.”

“I think you just made my blog.”

illness

No Comments »
Feb 23

If I can’t be an overachiever at law school exams I shall overachieve at CD arranging…

by billygean

Well I did get to sleep (at like SIX) and slept til 1:30pm which was slightly surreal. By the time I got up MindReader had driven to Birmingham, sat a three and a half hour exam, and driven back again.

He has now gone until Sunday when he comes back to take me to have an ULTRASOUND on Monday morning. No I am not pregnant (I would have told you readers before anyone!); the Doctor is obsessed with why I get urinary tract infections almost constantly. I told her it’s because my body’s a bit preoccupied fighting something else off at the moment – but no – I have to go and drink FOUR PINTS of water and NOT PEE all morning!

Also ALSO, last night I stayed up for so long watching the ceiling that I actually crossed paths with MadFather who got up at 5:30 to go to London. I asked him conversationally, in my midnight and his morning, where his relaxation CD was (probably best not to ask). He handed me a few CD packets to look through. It was not there.

When MindReader got back this afternoon he said to me, “Why did you have 5 CD stacks around your bed last night? I thought you’d cracked!”

Thanks!!

illness MindReader

3 Comments »
Feb 22

Update

by billygean

Body will still not sleep. I can think of no reason. I am too tired to stand up. I did not nap today. I feel less anxious than I have in weeks.

I wish bodies would talk.

But I fear mine would moan quite a lot.

grumbles illness

3 Comments »
Feb 22

Huff

by billygean

Dear Body,

Why can’t you sleep? This is ridiculous. This is ALL YOU WANTED.

Billygean

grumbles illness

No Comments »
Feb 21

Reasons to love MindReader number 1

by billygean

“Okay,” I say, sitting up from my duvet. “So I roll the dice, and whatever letter it shows, you have to fill out the list with things beginning with that letter. So for the first bit of the list, ‘things that are sticky’, you fill it in with a word beginning with that letter.”

“Right,” MindReader says, a hand casually on my knee.

“And if you can think of something alliterative,” MadFather says, “you get two points.”

I roll the 26-sided (!) dice.

“The letter is F,” I say, sipping my tea and feeling exhausted.

I start the timer and begin filling in my list. I leave out things that are sticky. The next item is famous landmarks. I write Figi before later learning it is a place. I then write ‘fasteners’ under ‘things that fasten,’ because I am a lawyer.

“How are you writing so much?” MindReader whispers.

“I am struggling with cosmetics,” I say. “I can’t think of ANY.”

“Sticky cosmetics?” he says.

I stare at him.

And then we both realise.

“I’m not supposed to be thinking of 12 things that are sticky, am I?” MindReader says.

I am unable to contain my laughter. “What the fuck is on your list?” I say, wiping my eyes.

“Figs, fresh figs, foals (when they’re just born), faeces,” he says.

illness MindReader Reasons to love MindReader

2 Comments »
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