There are certain things that only happen to Billygean.
And today, well, I think I’ve surpassed myself.
Went home this weekend, wore contacts all weekend – over dinner with lovely MindReader and even in the rain on Sunday – so obviously when went back to Birmingham I forgot glasses.
This morning was in a strop. Have lost beautiful Milan Watch somewhere between the bathroom and my bedroom (I had not been drinking – ahem), and HyperactiveHousemate rang me at 5 in the morning because he was locked out. And, you know, it’s Monday morning and I am a secretary.
When realised glasses were not in any of the organised piles of crap in my room, I put my contact lenses in. Cannot wear lenses at work. Work pump stuff into the unecessary air conditioning that makes them stick onto my eyes like plastic.
By half past nine my eyes were streaming and devil-like so took contacts out. Asked other secretary – who was rather disgusted – where I could put them. I put them in a cup on my desk and proceeded to behave like mole, feeling my way around the office. This involved a number of weird looks as I did such things as missing my coffee cup with the kettle and trying to use the fax machine to photocopy.
Got back to desk and had nice long drink of water.
I JUST DRANK MY CONTACT LENS.
It is INSIDE ME.
WATCHING.
And – despite the trauma of having drank my only means of seeing – I can’t help laughing at what Dr B would think of this stool sample.
